Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
