Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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