Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
