My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
