god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
should my penis look like a turkey
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
