I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
