heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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