Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
