I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Can I color on your dick again?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
