She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I checked into jail on foursquare
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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