I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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