Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
