dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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