I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
