I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
