Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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