I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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