What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
