You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
