I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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