That's intense
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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