She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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