and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
