im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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