Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
