hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
