We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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