does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize