well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
