he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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