did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
