just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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