I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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