today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
