I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
