i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
