Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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