I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
