would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I love you.
Bad choice
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
