the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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