She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
