4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Shitshow foam night was such a success
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize