Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize