are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
