everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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