Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
