do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
