life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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