I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
