It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
