just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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