Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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