There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
