He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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