3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
