Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize