You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Randomize
