my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
