sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
