More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
