my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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