Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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