You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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