dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
