I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
