C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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