Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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