left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
