i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
