It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
