Four minutes until I can fart!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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