I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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