I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
