if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize