Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
