i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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