i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
