You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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