sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
