why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
my being single is dangerous.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
