so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
