I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
