After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
