As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
